Dreams

It never fails…just before I begin teaching a principle at Higher Ground He takes me through it first personally…some way, somehow. You’d think I’d remember that and manipulate my topics wouldn’t you We’re beginning a 12 week study on “Living Beyond Yourself” next week. Here I am clicking along in life amidst all the things in which I excel…and suddenly I have every kind of need/concern/problem interruption imaginable from outside sources.

Just like yesterday when I got saddled with someone else’s problem client because the agent didn’t bother to show up at a closing which was rife with his buyer’s mortgage problems. I had my own clients to worry about AND his. I wanted to leave them hanging, afterall, they weren’t my problem. I wanted the agent to look as bad as he was. In the end I took very good care of all of them even if it was grudgingly internally. My vision was distorted and narrow, focused on my stuff. When I’m not looking at a situation correctly, seems the situation will exhaust me no matter how minor. I just don’t have the correct energy to deal with it. Last evening it hit me as I sat down with a heavy sigh to prepare for this study…Living Beyond Myself…oh yes…here we go, evidently I need a refresher. It took me long enough to recognize it.

Then, last night I dreamed all night long. I don’t usually dream and when I do it is rarely about me. In my dream, Roger and I were hosting a big outdoor dinner party. We had a bonfire and twinkling lights in the trees just like we used to. Most of our old/good friends were there and many people that I have never met. Good food and conversation, lots of laughter. Next thing I know, the whole group was walking down the dirt road by the Shack (our little place up north in the woods), shovels in hand, going somewhere to dig a well for somebody which turned into building a little structure of some sort. Even my dream was about living Beyond Myself. I think I get the message…

The dream also made me realize how much I miss our parties with friends, people who challenge us. I’m hungry for their meaningful conversation. I’m weary of empty conversation with people who don’t really want to know or be known, weary of the facade of verbosity.

I want to Live for something beyond myself. I Must.

A new dream!

Boldly it sprouts

from ancient roots of faith,

without nurture

 my Passion frozen.

Even, it will not be stilled

.

 

Ok, I’ll admit it, we love a good party. Especially since New Years Day is Roger’s birthday. We have hosted our share of New Year’s bashes and usually attend the best of the best! Not this year, I have the flu. Again. So we declined all invitations and stayed home.

It rained all day yesterday. Not knowing exactly what to do to celebrate, we noticed the rain had stopped and we decided to ring in the new year outside in the hottub. What a fabulous experience that was! It was mild last night about 40 degrees. The water was 102, and I felt the warmth infusing my aching bones. We could watch the ball dropping in Times Square on the tv from the tub. Just before midnight, we prayed 2006 out and 2007 in. That was a pretty amazing thing in itself and then the second the ball dropped, the sky was lit with fireworks! People were outside with clackers, horns, kids were banging pots and pans and everyone was shouting and whooping! We could hear it in all directions and it just made us laugh. After a few minutes  things began to settle down a bit and we started dreaming of what 2007 would bring. All of a sudden, fireworks began again along with the roll of thunder and the flash of lightning in the distance…we waited, but no rain!That’s my prayer for 2007. Fireworks, thunder and lightning, a sprinkle or two but no rain! Come on 2007! Bring it, I can hardly wait!

Happy Birthday Love and a Blessed New Year everyone!

If we relentlessly pursued HOPE

…what would change?

Let’s dream together again…

I was thinking of all the face 2 faces everyone is experiencing this year. I’ve met so many people who have become important to me through blogging. People committed to living life integrated with God, living life with a focus bigger than ourselves.

Jigadijig drove over and spent the night last week and I so loved having her here. That made me think of the edifying conversations between Kris, Sally, Laurie and I while packing Sally up to move and that made me think of how fun it was to put actual faces to names in LA, how I loved meeting Lilia and Melvin, and now hope we may get to see them again if they can swing by here on their move to NY!

I’m reflecting on all the edifying posts and emails that fly back and forth with all of you during challenging times. I want to meet all of you and put the sound of your voice to your posts. I want you to meet Roger, I want to meet everyone who stops by here who is only an IP adress but you come to visit me every day… you know who you are! What if?

What if…next year, we had a Dreamers Convergence at a campground somewhere? No conference, no agenda, just life in a campground for a few days…somewhere in the middle of the country like Table Rock, AK? RV, tent or even renting a pop-up camper is still cheaper than a hotel for those who want to camp and there are hotels nearby for those…ahem…who prefer it! What if we just made our way there and had family adventures during the day; hiking, biking, climbing, exploring, swimming and lounging but at night we sat around bonfires and Dream together with a group of Vision Casters? What if?

What if we allowed our children to experience it with us? What if it was about playing in the dirt and going barefoot, music, noshing on sandwiches and veggies and not worrying about how clean our clothes are or if our hair is perfect…I really am a hippie aren’t I? This is sounding like Woodstock Sanctified! Ok, sans the drugs and self-focus!

But what if? Roger and I are thinking of riding our bikes out there and spending a few days next summer. What if?

Would our lives be the same after sharing meals and dreams together…what if?

A bit of my heart in the open today… 

I’m celebrating Today in honor of the fabulous crop of young women I am privileged to know in a hundred different venues.

You make me so wish I had a daughter. I have had such an amazing relationship with my mother my whole life and I really wanted that for myself.

Couple this deep desire with this fabulous crop of the next generation of women who I’ve come to know and love, many of you here only through blogging, and the knowledge of what I’m missing without having a daughter sometimes becomes weighty.

So…to those of you who are in the thick of it, in the trenches of the battles between your heart and head during that space of time when you are trying to sort out what the future will bring–a degree…marriage…kids…job…(and if your head asks the question “is she talking to me?” the answer is yes, I’m speaking directly to you.) I just want to say how proud of you I am. Even if your mother never tells you, please allow me.

I see who you are only because you allow it, living out loud, authentically sharing your lives, linking arms with other women so you can encourage each other instead of envy each other. Whether in victory, pain, the agony of the struggle or the dreaded “wait” place, your Essence is the same. Pure, strong, courageous, valiant, full of character, passion and commitment.

To get through it, may offer a bit of advice? The only question that begs asking every single day of your life is “what’s First in my Heart?” who or what will I worship today? and we ALL choose…will it be money? power? fame? beauty? romance? or God? Choose with wisdom through each struggle and you will find the path that He created for you, one seemingly insignificant decision at a time. They all add up to the Plan.

Congratulations to each of you who find yourself in this space of time. You are coming along beautifully whether you see it or not. In the midst of pain or a mud puddle, and we all play in the mud at some point, you are God’s shining creation and I am near giddy at your reflection, You are beautiful.

I can’t help but wish you were mine!

So what did I think?

that I would be going to India tomorrow? Yep…pretty much, in retrospect, I think I did. It was such a difficult struggle, that surrendering of my will; such a monumental, against-my-nature-and-desire order from my Dad Most High that I go, that I thought I would be headed straight out. Truthfully, I’ve been struggling. The Activator in me has been doggedly searching for my vehicle there.

Then my Warrior man, the all wise-guy (pun intended) that God has somehow anointed for me to manage life in cooperation with, said “Stop. God will make it happen, if it’s meant to be”. Huh? I said, are you aware of what a struggle this obedience was for me? [Was I serious about his knowing I have strong-will issues? He didn’t even need to respond to that one, even I knew the answser to that question.] I just got the look and smile that is reserved especially for me in such situations. I have since been thinking about what he said.

“What if God was testing you as he did Abraham? God knew, out of all the things he’s tested your faithfulness with, an orphanage in India would be the hardest; what if He only wanted to know if you would go, but He’s not going to send you”….I’m still chewing on that thought.

The thought that He may still send me still has me so bug-eyed that I can’t celebrate the possibility of a reprieve. Wow. I realize as I’m typing that statement that it’s not such a noble statement from a self-acclaimed warrior princess is it?

I think I left my sword somewhere in the back 40 of that corn field maze I’ve been wondering in.

Then yesterday, I had lunch with aglointokyo. I’ve not known her very long, yet always. She’s a very wise woman, a faithful reader but rarely posts (although we would all benefit from your wisdom and insight! I know you’re reading glo, so Hi, and thank you very much for yesterday!) And I was sharing this struggle with her in search of wisdom from whomever God places in my path, and she says…essentially the same thing. Stop finishing God’s sentences for Him. (Only she was much more gracious than that)…Oh, but I’m so good at it.

So I wonder and wander. In my heart…I still feel like I am going to India…BUT the point of both of these prophets is, it’s not my decision to make. Ok, Lord, I hear you.

So I say in my best Captain Control voice…”awarriorprincess…Deactivate”.

In your time Lord, by your means, for your purpose, I surrender. ouch.

I’m wide awake…and dreaming.