It never fails…just before I begin teaching a principle at Higher Ground He takes me through it first personally…some way, somehow. You’d think I’d remember that and manipulate my topics wouldn’t you 
We’re beginning a 12 week study on “Living Beyond Yourself” next week. Here I am clicking along in life amidst all the things in which I excel…and suddenly I have every kind of need/concern/problem interruption imaginable from outside sources.
Just like yesterday when I got saddled with someone else’s problem client because the agent didn’t bother to show up at a closing which was rife with his buyer’s mortgage problems. I had my own clients to worry about AND his. I wanted to leave them hanging, afterall, they weren’t my problem. I wanted the agent to look as bad as he was. In the end I took very good care of all of them even if it was grudgingly internally. My vision was distorted and narrow, focused on my stuff. When I’m not looking at a situation correctly, seems the situation will exhaust me no matter how minor. I just don’t have the correct energy to deal with it. Last evening it hit me as I sat down with a heavy sigh to prepare for this study…Living Beyond Myself…oh yes…here we go, evidently I need a refresher. It took me long enough to recognize it.
Then, last night I dreamed all night long. I don’t usually dream and when I do it is rarely about me. In my dream, Roger and I were hosting a big outdoor dinner party. We had a bonfire and twinkling lights in the trees just like we used to. Most of our old/good friends were there and many people that I have never met. Good food and conversation, lots of laughter. Next thing I know, the whole group was walking down the dirt road by the Shack (our little place up north in the woods), shovels in hand, going somewhere to dig a well for somebody which turned into building a little structure of some sort. Even my dream was about living Beyond Myself. I think I get the message…
The dream also made me realize how much I miss our parties with friends, people who challenge us. I’m hungry for their meaningful conversation. I’m weary of empty conversation with people who don’t really want to know or be known, weary of the facade of verbosity.
I want to Live for something beyond myself. I Must.
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April 27, 2007 at 10:47 am
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April 25, 2007 at 9:51 am
billclark
G.
This is an interesting tension that I’m not sure I’m ever going to fully understand. Practice is important (”train unto godliness”), performance is important (otherwise what’s all this talk from Paul about running races?) but transformation is what its all about (too many versus to mention) - but what’s cause? what’s effect? what’s the means? what’s the end?
Sometimes it seems like a gestalt test - the more you look at it, the more the images flip back and forth!
April 25, 2007 at 11:22 am
obahsomah
bill clark you are always thinking!
I think the performing part is to perform before one and only one…God. When we set out to proclaim and perform our deeds as something WE are doing, not something God is doing through us, then it is showing off.
Gwen…always getting me thinking way to early! Love you!
April 25, 2007 at 12:01 pm
awarriorprincess
maybe its where the energy is coming from to begin with? maybe when we expect nothing in return? Maybe when we project the shekina shine away from ourselves? maybe when we walk away without having flown our banner at all and make people want to ask “why”?
April 25, 2007 at 1:43 pm
parke
In some unhealthy situations there really is a sense of performance. I think that it’s worthwhile noting that sometimes we mistake things for performance that are healthy. For example, non-profits frequently tout what they are doing. There is a wrong way to do this, but they know that by touting what is being done (via the power of the supporters and with the energy of the receivers) encourages even more people to jump in. And there is a certain amount of that which you’ll see Paul doing in his letters. He praises what some people over here are doing in a letter that will go around so that others will be jealous to do good things.
There’s also an element of praising God. One of my roles in life is to praise God in my writing. Part of that is pointing out miraculous moments that are clearly all God. I think another part of that though is pointing out God at work in the community around me and in the lives of those serving.
It certainly does make for a complex situation to dive into.
April 27, 2007 at 9:11 am
Gwen
True Parke, I think when there is performance but it’s not for self, that there is a bigger picture for the good of others, that’s transformance.
When I think of Performance I think ritualistic and empty, just going through the motions because we were taught that Christians live a certain way or perform kind deeds. There doesn’t appear to be any life behind it.
April 27, 2007 at 10:19 am
parke
That’s fair.
April 27, 2007 at 10:23 am
Gwen
but sad…