I have to say that as I continue to post about this journey (See Feb. 19 for beginning), I fight feelings of self-consciousness. Every. Single. Time. I know this is a very personal look into our lives and it’s extremely uncomfortable. I have thoughts that these posts are toooo personal, they’re boring, they’re all about me/us. ME ME ME, I I I, whine, whine, whine…it makes us vulnerable to being judged as well. If you have no spiritual interest in this mud we’re trekking through, please click on by. This is not about us, it’s about a journey. It’s meant to share what we’re learning, to encourage You and to glorify God Our Provider, Jehovah Jireh.
…the rain falls on the just and the unjust. Matthew 5:45ÂÂ
We can sow all the right seeds, we can have all the right “laws of attraction” in place but at one time or another, the rain WILL fall on the just as well as the unjust. That is the law of Jehovah Jireh who wrote every other law of provision. Period. In answer to a couple of questions, no, I don’t think we’re being punished. And no, I don’t think we’re going through this because we were thinking on some negative plane. I think it’s nothing other than this…to draw us closer to Him and for our growth.
…be prepared in season and out of season… 2 Timothy 4:12
Who am I to worry about what people will think of me? We can’t be the only ones going through stuff like this. I’m not going to pretend I’m something I’m not. This is us and we’re ugly right now. So be it.
Now, if you’re not completely bored out of your skull…come along on to the next leg of this journey…you won’t believe it.
It has been 12+ weeks since we’ve sold a house. While that’s a long time, our journey began much longer ago than that only we didn’t recognize it. We were thinking about it yesterday and it has been more than 20 years since I have gone that long without selling a house. Wow. A phenomenon to me, that except for gas and groceries which I use my debit card for, I have had the same $4 in my wallet for 9 days. I am so stinking proud of that! No Starbucks. No cozy lunches with friends, no waters on the go, no carry out. All preplanned and packed before we leave the house. I am suddenly cognizant of individual $1 dollars, not individual $10 or individual $20 disappearing from my wallet. I can’t tell you what an awakening, what an experience this whole journey is. I wish you knew every little confirmation, every directional arrow that is appearing daily. You are getting mere cliff notes, soundbites. It’s that rich.
YESTERDAY…we Sold not 1, not 2 but 3 Houses (I don’t know what kind of punctuation to put at the end of this statement. ?, …, or !!! It is just too amazing to me.)
and we’re pretty close to an agreement on a 4th. I don’t even know how to respond to that. We got home kind of late last night and I was really tired after yesterday. I took some time to be reflect in gratitude and I immediately felt myself begin to relax with this Simplicity journey. The thought crossed my mind for a split second, that I can stop this process of purging.  I grabbed that thought and immediately took it hostage and interrogated the truth out of it. Then I refocused again. This journey is nowhere near over for me/us, but wow…what a change. It’s the same scenery but the view is vastly different from here.
It’s like climbing the face of a big rock and finally getting to a plateau where you can stop, measure your progress and enjoy the view while rebinding your wounds. The air is cleaner, the sun is brighter, ok, it is still scary and it still hurts a little but wow, what a view! I GET it. I get the message. This journey is about much more…so much more.
I can see where I’ve come from and I wonder why I stayed there so long; but I’m far enough now on my journey that I can also see the summit. Not in terms of some financial windfall that will deliver me from this symptom, but in terms of right-mindedness about things. The summit still looks a long way off but today, I’m grateful for the break.
We’re open to any wisdom you may have for us in this journey or to hear any that this journey is speaking into yours. For the record, I still don’t like this place one bit but as friends advised us…
“drink deeply of this experience”.
Yes, we are, we think that’s wise counsel.
Belay UP!
8 comments
Comments feed for this article
Trackback link
http://awarriorprincess.voxtropolis.com/2007/02/24/on-belay/trackback/
April 27, 2007 at 10:47 am
Pingback from trying to listen · We Move Forward with Hope
April 25, 2007 at 9:51 am
billclark
G.
This is an interesting tension that I’m not sure I’m ever going to fully understand. Practice is important (”train unto godliness”), performance is important (otherwise what’s all this talk from Paul about running races?) but transformation is what its all about (too many versus to mention) - but what’s cause? what’s effect? what’s the means? what’s the end?
Sometimes it seems like a gestalt test - the more you look at it, the more the images flip back and forth!
April 25, 2007 at 11:22 am
obahsomah
bill clark you are always thinking!
I think the performing part is to perform before one and only one…God. When we set out to proclaim and perform our deeds as something WE are doing, not something God is doing through us, then it is showing off.
Gwen…always getting me thinking way to early! Love you!
April 25, 2007 at 12:01 pm
awarriorprincess
maybe its where the energy is coming from to begin with? maybe when we expect nothing in return? Maybe when we project the shekina shine away from ourselves? maybe when we walk away without having flown our banner at all and make people want to ask “why”?
April 25, 2007 at 1:43 pm
parke
In some unhealthy situations there really is a sense of performance. I think that it’s worthwhile noting that sometimes we mistake things for performance that are healthy. For example, non-profits frequently tout what they are doing. There is a wrong way to do this, but they know that by touting what is being done (via the power of the supporters and with the energy of the receivers) encourages even more people to jump in. And there is a certain amount of that which you’ll see Paul doing in his letters. He praises what some people over here are doing in a letter that will go around so that others will be jealous to do good things.
There’s also an element of praising God. One of my roles in life is to praise God in my writing. Part of that is pointing out miraculous moments that are clearly all God. I think another part of that though is pointing out God at work in the community around me and in the lives of those serving.
It certainly does make for a complex situation to dive into.
April 27, 2007 at 9:11 am
Gwen
True Parke, I think when there is performance but it’s not for self, that there is a bigger picture for the good of others, that’s transformance.
When I think of Performance I think ritualistic and empty, just going through the motions because we were taught that Christians live a certain way or perform kind deeds. There doesn’t appear to be any life behind it.
April 27, 2007 at 10:19 am
parke
That’s fair.
April 27, 2007 at 10:23 am
Gwen
but sad…