I hate being broke (n)

Know how I posted about wanting to know where my money is going/has gone and how we went to that financial seminar and all of that? Yeah well, little did I know that was only the beginning.

First, at the risk of sounding all pompous…

but necessary as a point of reference, Roger and I are self employed. We sell houses. We generally close 4-5 houses a month. The average agent carries 4-7 listings, we have over 20 at the moment, which means: a) our clients are WELL taken care of because we work our @$$ off and b) we do ok financially. But a funny thing has happened since I asked God to show me where our money is gong each month. He has not sent us one red cent. Notta dima, my new latin phrase for no money! Count the weeks…I have. Over and over again. 11 so far. 11 weeks without selling a house. 11 weeks with no income. Thankfully, we had saved an emergency fund. 3 months personal expenses and 3 months business expenses. I just paid my last bills out of that emergency fund and March is coming. I have $777.40 left in our checking account. Let’s just say, that won’t support March. I wonder what we’ll do? I have payroll, I have health insurance due plus the regular stuff like oh…gas and food.

God has a great sense of humor…

Ironically, I’m attending an awards banquet in honor of my “success” in 2006 next week. Is that hilarious? Only God does stuff like this…which gives me comfort in an odd sort of way. It reminds me that He is in control. So I share this adventure with you. Why? Because this is my life. A crazy ride full of wrestling and wonder. Like I wonder how I’ll pay my bills next month.

So last week I prayed…

that I would just submit to this lesson. Here’s what I discovered while I was trying to pray it. I want to want His will but I don’t really. or didn’t. I mean who really wants to go through the refiner’s fire? So last Thursday in the middle of the night I was up asking God what he wants of me. I GIVE. I’m willing. Whatever it is he can have it. “Whatever” he said? “Yes, whatever you want” I answered.

Friday, I took a microscopic look at our outflow…

I canceled all of our telephone land lines, canceled cable tv, netflix and tivo, any subscriptions, we laid off our twice a month housekeeper Nancy, who is my right arm as well as a good friend. She keeps my asthma under control with her impeccable dusting, wiping, cleaning abilities. I returned to the store everything I had ever purchased that was possible to still return. I raised the deductables on my homeowners insurance. I bought the store brand of chunky soup that is $1 a can. We ate every single solitary meal from home this week and not a leftover went to waste. We popped popcorn for dog treats instead of the beef-basted nugget they’re used to getting. Hey, everyone is feeling the pain around here.

Everything is up for grabs….

We went through the house and garage and asked the hard questions of ourselves. What are we willing to give up? I cried. I’m such a baby. I cried that I’m here in this place but I didn’t cry from a place of sorrow. Ok, I cried at the thought of selling my Harley too.

Roger gave up…

his hockey league and his boat. We’re selling one of our 3 motorcycles and the other two if it comes to that. The commercial dome hockey table is going too. I’m clipping coupons. I. ME. am clipping coupons. Funny, when did I stop? I used to clip them all the time. My fancy face cleanser is almost gone, it will be Ponds for me!

The hardest part?…

we had to hold the Shack up with open hands. It’s God’s, he can have it if he wants it. And he just might want it. Friday was a hard day and our “let-go” list is long but the longer it got, the easier it was.

In prayerfully examining…

the outflow Friday and then canceling/letting go of some things, I shaved $435.00 off my monthly expenses! AND there’s more to be had if necessary. Friday, day before yesterday seems like it was a month ago. Friday we made a commitment to rediscover simplicity and to respect every dollar God gives us. Saturday, we got an offer on a house we have listed. Hmm…imagine that…after 11 weeks.

Come along if you want to learn with me…but it won’t be pretty. I’m not so good at this stuff. It’s not going to get me nominated into sainthood to admit it but…dang

I hate being broke (n).

We’re excited at how God will show himself in this situation. We have the means to deliver ourselves but don’t feel that’s what God wants us to do. We wait with anticipation for his faithfulness and for our growth through it. He IS Jehovah Jireh, God, our Provider.

‘Then I went down to the potter’s house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels.
And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand oft he potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.’

Jeremiah 18:34.

Have Thine own way, Lord, Have Thine own way;
Thou art the Potter; I am the clay.
Mould me and make me After Thy will,
While I am waiting, Yielded and still.

(Potter/Stebbins)